Lack of benefits

I've been a bit poorly the last couple of weeks - fever, aching and a general feeling of wading through treacle. (You can probably put the violins away) But as a mum of three and a freelancer the benefits package is a bit rubbish. 13 hour working day minimum. On call 24/7. No sick leave, no holidays and no christmas party.

I am missing the days when you woke up feeling ill, weighed up whether you could get into work or not. If not you rang in and went back to bed or tackled the backlog of videos you wanted to watch (yeah, I haven't been employed in a looooong time!) and rustled yourself up a tin of soup at lunchtime.

Now life just continues and you have to do the best you can. Laundry avalanches, dust accumulates, meals for five need to be prepared even if more of them start to involve toast than normal, kids need dropping and collecting places so the three mile walk a day still happens, classes still need teaching (if you want to get paid) and there is no deadline extension on projects. Its tough normally to fit working around my kids, into evenings and weekends, but when I feel under par its almost impossible.

My husband came down with the same thing just as I was starting to recover and I felt sick with jealousy as he rang in and stayed in bed. And, surprise, surprise he got better much quicker than I did.

Its almost enough for me to consider going back to employment, but not quite. I love the flip side of being a stay at home mum and a freelance worker. The freedom to control your day and the way you work.

My children make me laugh and smile everyday and there are so many things I would miss if I didn't stay home with them. They grow so fast and I don't want to miss a thing. I've always known I would be a stay at home mum (I remember once really irritating the careers guidance lady who would not have it that a straight A student could consider it)

The knitting and crochet work gives me a wonderful creative outlet that I've rarely had when employed and as my own boss I make all the decisions about direction and design, no compromises.

I'm very lucky with my 'co-workers' in this job. My husband helped out a lot more than usual (and he's pretty super normally) while I was ill to pick up the slack - it was probably this that made him ill. And my friends helped with the school runs and would have helped more if I wasn't so rubbish at asking for what I need and accepting offered help

But ultimately I won't go back to employment because these three are far and away the cutest bosses I've ever had!